Death Scares Her
by rmartin
Summary: Mulder and Scully deep friendship drabble. A tiny bit angsty. Spoilers I am sure so only read if you are way up on the movie and series. Please R&R, my first XFiles fic.


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with the X-Files. I wish I did, but I don't. So... there.**

**_A/N: this is just drabble, I only set it in a particular place in the storyline so that I could use those quotes, because I love them so. Please R&R_**

**"Its strange, when you never sleep, to have a dream. So he must sleep. An even stranger thought, to refer to yourself as 'he.'"**

Fox Mulder tossed on the couch and tried to figure out if he really was asleep. Things floated in and out of his mind in circles, he was not sure how to take some of them... he was genuinely confused. "This is not happening," Mulder thought as he tossed again "I am not becoming even more of a mental case." He tried not to think of how Scully would react to his invading thoughts. "Hmmm, Scully... Dana, Dana, Dana, Scully." he breathed quietly. Mulder thought of her lying across the hotel room in the bed, wondering what happened to make her invite him to do the same earlier in the evening. He repeated her name in his head again, adding the title in mock respect "Special Agent Dana Scully" but then sinking into a deep brown study as a very real respect washed over him.

_I feel you slipping away from me with every minute I fail here. What are the elusive meanings I cannot see that are hidden here? If I could understand it, know how it affected you; learn how to use its power to save you._

"She wanted to save me. And what did I do? The second I could I dragged her from her home, out to another hotel, out to chase my little gray men. She wanted to save me, and I am risking my life again right in front of her." Mulder sighed and got up from the couch, throwing the blanket on the floor. He was just about to pull on his shoes to go walk around in the dark parking lot and consider this a little farther away from her, when Scully rolled over in the bed and said "Mulder, where're ya going?" Her voice was thick with her own sleeping and dreaming, he considered telling her that he was just headed for the vending machine for a Three- A.M. snack and actually started to mumble "vending mach-" when she said "Mulder come lay down, it can't be good for you over there, that is the saddest couch I have ever seen. I'll slide over."

"Ahh," he thought, "there's the reason for the invitation, she thinks no self-respecting person would let me sleep on that couch." Not a purely selfless reason and certainly not a physical one… she was just extending some charity so as not to seem like the always-prudish half of the partnership. Nevertheless, Mulder suddenly no longer felt like roaming the parking lot and instead sat on the edge of the bed to take off his shoes. Scully was sleepily holding the covers up, waiting on him and whispered a little frantically, "Mulder, its freezing, get in here." Mulder heaved his feet up onto the bed and slid into the covers near, but not too near, Scully who rolled her back to him and settled down saying "Now, isn't that better?" like a sleepy mother to her scared child. Mulder nodded to himself and folded his hands beneath his head to memorize the ceiling.

A few moments later, Scully rolled back over and said "Mulder, do you remember what you said to me a few weeks ago, just after… well a few weeks ago?" She didn't like to talk about the fact that he was so close to death because now Death scared her. Mulder glanced at her face, which still had a very dreamy quality to it, and thought to himself "Of course I remember, one of the dumbest things I have ever said, not because of what I said…"

_You... were my friend, and you told me the truth. Even when the world was falling apart, you were my constant... my touchstone._

"…But because of what I left unsaid." He didn't say any of these words to her though, he just said "Yeah Scully, what about it?" and rolled to his side to face her. "Well, I was just thinking, how good it is to know that someone… relies on you. You know what I mean?" She rubbed her eyes and looked at him, this time more awake, and he knew he could not avoid the question. So he thought long and hard, and the idea came to his mind… he might as well be honest, and heartfelt. Who knew when it might be too late? So Mulder breathed a deep sigh and carefully chose his words.

"Scully, I have been thinking ever since you- you saved me, that there is nothing I could ever do to repay you. I know! Don't stop me, I know you don't want to be repaid… but I can't help feeling that there is something I CAN do. I know that something is to tell you the truth. I have always looked for the truth, I have searched for it with my heart and soul and you have been with me for so long, that if I can tell you the truth about anything… I should. So I will tell you the truth about how I feel." He stopped for a minute, unsure how she was taking in this seemingly grandiose speech, but she touched his cheek with a warm hand and said "Go on…" so he did.

"I really consider myself to be one of the luckiest people in the world. The reason for that is because I have gotten to meet you. You are the type of person who gives me confidence and hope that we will all be fine, in a time when negative always seems to win out. You have everything, the characteristics, a person could want. You are strong, intelligent, talented, hard-working and capable. I would not be the same, no, I would not go on if you were gone. I wish you happiness, and I hope that I am by your side while you achieve all your dreams." He sighed again, certain that he had just made the biggest mistake of his life in that stark hotel room, and watched Scully for a moment as she took in everything he said. At first she just looked stunned, as if the air in the room had suddenly become frigid, and she was left without a blanket. Then, tears filled her eyes, not sad tears like Mulder had seen so many times… these were new tears, flushing out pent up emotions she had not been allowed to let go of, until now. And what she said was all she had ever needed to say, everything wrapped into one sentence, just simply: "Mulder, I had no idea you felt that way… please, please stand beside me." And moved her fingers from his cheek to lace them in his hair. He sighed and kissed the inside of her wrist where it met the bed. It was safe and warm inside the room, suddenly not as unfamiliar as before. Mulder yawned, just a little, and noticed that Scully was drifting back to her sleep. He smiled to himself, thinking "This was better than any dream."


End file.
